Day #4 – Of Mice And Men; Ladies Too

For some reason, we were treated to the testimony of The Cabby today. At no point has it been held that he was anything but liable for the whole affair but there he was. The main idea seems to be to impress upon The Jury that the impact was, in the eloquent words of the plaintiff’s lawyer, “A Big Boom.” The defense attorney a.k.a. The Angry Fat Girl, rebutted that the “Boom” was not in fact a “Big Boom” between the offending cab and the fifteen passenger van in front of it, but a “Little Boom” in which the barely harmed fifteen passenger van crushed the front end of the Crown Victoria sedan taxi behind it.

 

Big Boom, Little Boom. The Jury isn’t really impressed with this use of time. The surreptitious passing of hard candies continues unabated. It doesn’t seem like The Court actually cares about the use of time or even about time as a general concept. After the Big Boom Theory testimony, which resulted in a lot of hard feelings and more than a little bit of cynical word exchange between The Judge and The Angry Fat Girl, (a thing which is no longer shocking to the jury, yet maintains all of it’s original entertainment value) there was to be an Expert Medical Witness for the defense.

 

The Judge, maintains a somewhat convincing facade of generosity and caring. She always bids us have a wonderful lunch or a pleasant and relaxing evening. She must have done this hundreds or more likely thousands of times but she has that way about her that seems to worry just a little about her charges. At any rate, the Expert Medical Witness for the defense is a no show because after all he is a doctor and an emergency came up and his hour or two is far more important than the eight jurors, the swift deliverance of justice and all manner of other considerations. It goes without saying of course that this emergency, whatever its nature, could be handled by him alone. In all the universe he was the only competent doctor available.

 

Does this make The Angry Fat Girl look bad? With all her weight, the balance is not tipping in her favor. The Judge is pained by this turn of events, which must be a common occurrence, and so she recalls to us a Robert Burns poem about a field mouse; reciting the first stanza from memory and in dialect. She lays out the rest of the story and then asks us why she’s telling us this mouse tale. It is a rhetorical question and even the dim among us don’t try to answer. We are in her hands and we’re kind of cozy there. The answer to her question is that the best laid plans of mice and men, often run astray. I knew that from the first and I am pleased with myself, as if we two now share a bond of understanding. I want to share with her the Robert Burns poem which answers the question; “What is the best weather for having sex?” but I restrain myself. Then she smiles her grandmotherly smile, tells us to return two mornings hence (there being a court holiday the next day) and wishes us a wonderful and lovely day.

 

She is enchanting. 

 

 

Advertisements

Day #3 – Expert Opinion

 

Using the horizon as a base line, the angle from the tip of his nose up the bridge to his brow is the same angle as that of the soft flesh from the point of his chin back to his neck. In profile he seems as artificial as his tan. His hair is combed back with some kind of jell or wax but it does not lie down flat. Rather, it goes straight back and each end, each point separates according to its feathered length, like a hedgehog in repose. He is a Chiropractor, and like many of his kind he is convinced of his powers as a healer and unusually sensitive to suggestions that his art is less than that of say a Brain Surgeon or a Podiatrist. This sensitivity and his Brooklyn pedigree make him a dangerous witness for the cross examination.

 

The Angry Fat Girl has not properly considered that her anger at the world is diluted by it’s many potential targets. She comes at him in such an aggressive manner that The Judge tells her explicitly and in front of The Jury to change her tone. It is a moment of censure that would be a humiliation if it were not being compared to how The Chiropractor handles her. His skills at manipulation are not confined to simple adjustments of the spine. His answers to her are full of information and sarcasm. At one point he simply starts asking her questions. Her anger causes her to respond to these questions and suddenly, though he is the one sitting in the witness box, it is she who is sweating the answers.

 

The Judge starts coaching her on how to ask questions in order to confine a witness to yes or no answers but it is too late. Her morning cross examination turns to fluff and it is plain to all. So plain that after lunch we return to find that the Young Asian Woman, who clearly has the strongest case, has settled out of court. It wasn’t even her doctor who was on the stand but the signs are clear; the defense is unraveling.

 

Our day is over. The Jury loves this and can barely conceal its glee. The lawyer for the Young Asian Woman has piggybacked his case to a successful conclusion without any more effort than an opening statement. He is the quiet one and we like him for that. He doesn’t get excited. He is just a little older than the others and does not seem to be in any hurry. Oddly enough, the only remaining case is the one that pitches the Angry Fat Girl against the JFK Jr. look alike. I think it has become a grudge match but I no longer care. Only the women in the jury seem to care and all they care about is seeing the only woman lawyer, the Angry Fat Girl, fail.